Hey there, fellow grannies! Welcome to the chaotic party of life.
Where stress has taken up residence and is now best friends with the menopause, which means this dynamic duo are hurtling us towards total body and mind carnage.
Today, we’re diving headfirst into what our poor, unsuspecting bodies and mind have to go through. So, buckle up baby you’re in for a rocky ride (or maybe just take a deep breath, seemingly that works too), and let’s explore the wild world of stress- + menopause + chaos.
Brain Freeze (Not the Ice Cream Kind):
Ever feel like your brain is constantly frozen, buffering endlessly? That’s stress at work, my friend. It’s like your brain is trying to juggle a thousand thoughts at once, just like a washing machine on spin. So, if you find yourself forgetting your own name, then rattling through a list of random names for your grandkids before getting it right or walking into rooms only to forget why you went in there or even forgetting where you parked your car, then phone your friend in a panic, because you actually believe it’s been stolen (this actually happened). Blame it on the dynamic duo, they are the ultimate culprits in creating brain fog.
The mystery of the disappearing hair:
Ah, stress-induced hair loss – the great disappearing act of follicular folly. It’s like your hair decides to pack its bags and take a permanent holiday, or even worse you find it on your pillow or clogging up the shower, I never signed up for this! My hair dryer, brush and lady shaver are slowly becoming redundant. Hairs on my legs getting more remote, bikini line well who cares about that I am menopausal! The hair on my head leaving me while the hair on my chinny chin, chin just sprouting whenever I least expect it!
The Belly Bloater:
Stress eating, emotional eating, with menopause in the background helping with the ever-changing body shape of middle age. Ever notice how your once-flat stomach suddenly resembles a party balloon? That’s stress munching away at your digestive system. And let’s not forget the delightful bonus of stress-induced cravings for everything, yes everything from chocolate, crisps, cheeseburgers, wine, who knew stress had such refined taste buds!
All aboard the train to station Sleepless:
Say goodbye to sweet dreams and hello to the dynamic duo sleep programme called induced insomnia, the sleep disorder du jour. It’s like your brain decides that 3 AM is the perfect time to have a full-blown existential crisis, complete with your own internal heat system which is in full malfunction mode, causing night sweats, tossing and turning, pillow punching, covers off, covers on, forget counting sheep – you’ll be too busy counting the hours until your alarm clock wakes you 3 minutes after you have just fallen asleep.
The Muscle Meltdown and Skin Shrivel:
Stress knots – the not-so-glamorous accessory that comes with the package deal. It’s like your muscles are staging a rebellion against your body, deciding to clench up tighter than a stressed-out mummy’s jaw during a toddler’s meltdown. Let’s talk about your skin which, resembles an empty packed or crips, crinkled and hanging, you can fold it like laundry, it would take a magic spell of lotion or potions to help this sagging mess.
Stress head:
Beware the stress headache or the menopause headache or just life, God give me strength I am not sure which is which anymore just a constant headache.
Mood swings and Meltdowns: - Take your front row seat to crazy town
Now lets’ mix together menopause and stress and here we have the prefect ingredients for a game of hormonal bingo. You become a little firecracker literally, hot flushes and mood swings that would confuse the best psychologists. You are hotter than Mount Etna which causes you to strip off layer after layer, as fast as you can, even in public. The next stage, Which mood? Laughter, melt down, tears and then flouncing, only to be met with sudden realisation you can’t remember why or which mood you should be in? Just to kick things up a notch here is comes, anxiety tossing you right into the belly of the beast, yip your brain is a fully-fledged member of crazy town. THANK GOD FOR WINE!
Conclusion:
So, there you have it, folks – menopause and stress, the gift that keeps on giving (whether we like it or not). But hey, in a world as absurd as ours, sometimes laughter is really the only medicine. My advice, surround yourself with like, minded mental granny gangers, who can laugh with you and can definitely relate to your crazy shit. Through shared experience it’s never long until sanity resume! But don’t get too comfortable!
The next time the dynamic duo comes knocking, just remember: you’re not alone in this wacky adventure called life. At least you’ll have some hilarious stories to share at your next therapy session, right? Stay weird, stay stressed, and above all, stay hilarious and stay relevant.
You’re a granny gang warrior and nothing is going to keep you down!
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